Chris Moerdyk is a pretty intimidating guy. He’s been a driving force in the South African marketing and advertising industry since BMW and Mercedes Benz were having it out around Chapman’s Peak. He could be found deep in the agency trenches when cigarette advertising was still the best reason to go to the cinema and nobody had ever heard of e-mail.

His resume is far too long and impressive to replicate here, but as one of South Africa’s marketing ‘elder statesmen’ he’s headed up big agencies and signed off annual marketing strategy documents for brands like BMW all before he eats breakfast in the morning. On weekends he shoots the breeze with Jeremy Sampson and John Farquhar and remembers the days when marketers were bold, fearless, cunning and spents whole afternoons at boozy lunches with a clients.

He’s a living legend, he’s Chris Moerdyk.

BH: WHAT DO YOU ENJOY MOST ABOUT YOUR LIFE?

That I am a geriatric old fart who believes that he is still 35 and still gets asked to do lots of work and is interviewed by highly respected websites that don’t mind him saying things like Arse and big tits.

BH: WHAT MOTIVATES YOU IN A MARKETING SENSE?

The appalling lack of marketing skills in this country due to successive brain drains that caused round about R50billion a year to be wasted on bad marketing every year. I am a marketing purist desperately keen to work my arse off trying to get that figure down to at least R49,99billion.

BH: HOW DID YOU SELL YOURSELF IN THE EARLY DAYS?

The early days. Chris Moerdyk, John Hunt and Reg Lascaris at the 1989 Christmas Party

With great difficulty. Nobody took young people seriously. I used to offer to do the really crappy marketing work for very little money. It was really tough going and then one of my mentors suggested I start promoting myself by buying the biggest Mercedes available. That’s when things took off. I think South Africa is still like that. If you look successful people want you to make them successful too. Now, all these years later I still use this as an excuse to buy myself a really nice car.

BH: WHAT IS THE WORST JOB YOU EVER HAD?

Being given the advertising account for the New Republic Party in the middle 1970’s. A big mistake taking that on because it had no chance of achieving anything no matter how well I did my job. It was a brand in which I had no faith and no interest. In second place was handling the SAA account in the late 1960’s. All ad copy had to be approved by a committee of 18 people of which nine didn’t like the other nine so there was never consensus. In addition to which the SAA boss at the time cheated at golf.

BH: WHAT’S BEEN YOUR BIGGEST CHALLENGE AND HOW DID YOU OVERCOME IT?

Believing in myself. At school my interests were rugby, cricket, tennis, swimming, convent girls and rock n roll parties. The academic side wasn’t my forte and as I only just scraped through matric, my parents told me not to even think of going to university. And the problem with South Africa, still today, is that unless you are an academic at school you are considered a dummy. Fortunately, I was mentored early on by Colin Adcock (the Lindsay Smithers and subsequently Toyota MD) who also only just got a matric. He showed me that having a university degree wasn’t necessary if you had big enough balls. Part of his mentoring process was to kick me in the balls so often that they became big out of sheer self-defence.

BH: AS A MARKETER, WHERE DO YOU GET YOUR CREATIVE INSPIRATION FROM?

A haven’t the foggiest idea.

BH: WHY DID YOU CHOOSE MARKETING?

After 14 years in the advertising business I discovered that the ad game was just one small part of marketing. Its a bit like being on earth and never having bothered to look up at the sky and discover that you are actually part of a galaxy. It was also hugely challenging given that skills shortage I was talking about. I remember the days when marketing to most people meant flogging potatoes at the market on Saturday mornings. Come to thinking it, nothing has changed.

BH: EVER FEEL LIKE DOING SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT?

In the early days I wanted to be a forensic scientist, official explorer for National Geographic, train driver, pilot, beachcomber and game ranger. Specially a game ranger. But right now, I wouldn’t swop for anything.

BH: EVERYONE HAS A DREAM, DOW DID YOU TURN YOURS INTO REALITY?

I always dreamed of being able to just be an advisor. Of not having to implement stuff like advertising, research and PR. My dream come true basically by working my arse off. I reckon that’s how most people make their dreams come true. Look at any satisfied, happy people and you will notice they are largely arseless.

BH: WHAT DREAMS DO YOU STILL HAVE THAT YOU’RE BUSY CHASING?

To continue to be healthy enough to keep doing what I am doing now and that is working hard but not exactly knocking myself out to the extent that I can take a lot of holidays and spend time with six grandchildren who, when they are all together, usually results in another arse-off scenario for me.

BH: WHAT ARE YOUR TOP 5 FAVOURITE BRANDS?

Land Rover, British Airways, Holland America Line, City of Cape Town, Lindt. And coming up soon, Joule- SA’s new electric car.

BH: WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU’RE NOT WORKING?

Walk up hills to keep fit, travel as much as possible, ride my Harley Davidson and read books by the dozen.

BH: IF YOU WERE MAGICALLY TRANSPORTED BACK TO BEING 10 YEARS OLD AGAIN – WHAT WOULD YOU DO DIFFERENTLY THE SECOND TIME AROUND?

Easy- I would not wait until I was 16 to start being interested in girls. What a waste of six years. Girls are far more interesting than Meccano sets, Superman comics and playing Red Rover Cross Over.

BH: YOU’RE WALKING INTO A SUPERMARKET DESIGNED BY CHRIS MOERDYK. WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE, HOW DOES IT MAKE YOU FEEL? WHAT’S THE EXPERIENCE LIKE?

Basically, exactly like Pick n Pay. (Raymond Ackerman was also a mentor of mine) The first thing I would feel is, “hey I can trust these people..” because they would all be seen to be working their arses off trying to make me enjoy the experience. And the experience would be my expectations being exceeded. Sounds like a dream. It isn’t. Its possible.

BH: IF YOU WERE THE CEO OF SOUTH AFRICAN AIRWAYS- WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?

First of all fire the person who is in charge of customer service training mainly because whoever that person is they haven’t done a solid days work in years. After that I would change just about everything, especially those current holier than thou attitudes and sulky expressions.

BH: DID YOU EVER DOUBT YOURSELF, AND IF SO – WHAT KEPT YOU GOING?

Often. More times that I would happily admit. I kept going by leaving the really big decisions to my board of directors who are made up of God, The Virgin Mary and 12 carefully selected saints. They look after bringing in the business and helping me with strategy, I just worked my arse off. Seriously, I am not kidding.

BH: WHAT POSTER DID YOU HAVE ABOVE YOUR BED IN HIGH SCHOOL?

I had three posters actually. One was of Natalie Wood in West Side Story, the other was a Jaguar XK150 and the third was of Springbok Cricketer Ken Funston not because I particularly thought of him as my all time sporting hero but because he lived down the road and let me bowl to him now and then. But, mostly because he had a seriously cool niece who I was trying to impress by any means.

BH: FOR THOSE PEOPLE JUST STARTING OUT, WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE THEM?

Dream your dreams, aim high and don’t be discouraged. Remember that failure is an intrinsic part of being successful. And work your arse off.